Monstrous Races Page 6

  ‘So why didn’t anyone follow you? They must have seen us come in here but nobody else is here. Why not?’

  ‘That will be a well-known principle that the blemmyaes have used to their advantage for centuries. When in doubt, follow the crowd. Chicken?’ he asked, producing a whole roast chicken from inside his bag. ‘I’ve got an apple and some goat's milk as well. I thought we might need a snack.’

  As they walked on through the narrow corridors the windows disappeared, and were replaced by high candles that threw out long shadows against the walls. Elli walked close to Rufus until finally they came to a large dark door. He went to open it but was pulled back by Elli.

  ‘What’s in there?’ she asked, pulling at his coat sleeve.

  ‘Prepare yourself for the worst!’ he said dramatically, flinging open the door. Her eyes took a while to get used to the natural light again, and she saw that the room was large with books lining every wall. In the middle of the room was a sturdy wooden desk with papers in one neat pile in the middle. Sitting behind the desk was a blemmyae. He looked up and gestured for them both to sit down. His seat was raised behind his desk, so that his gaze was level with Rufus.

  ‘Oh well done!’ said the blemmyae, his voice showing some genuine enthusiasm. ‘You did well to get here. I’m Norman, and I’m here to facilitate your arrival into Brayston. Can I take your name please?’ His manner was so different to the blemmyae she’d encountered the day before that Elli looked up at Rufus, who shrugged his shoulders.

  ‘Elli, full name Elspeth Sparrow,’ she said, noticing that his black, straight hair was down to his shoulders.

  ‘Thank you Elspeth. And you, Sir?’ he asked Rufus, who appeared to be startled.

  ‘DH Rufus. My last known address here was the Archways, Cannyngs.’ The blemmyae nodded.

  ‘And am I to understand that this young lady is visiting you Sir, and will be staying at that address?’ Rufus nodded mutely.

  ‘I see,’ said Norman. ‘If you will excuse me one moment I’ll just need to verify those details. I’ll be checking for any outstanding criminal convictions at the same time,’ he said, as Rufus’ eyes widened. Elli waited for Norman to stand up but he remained in his seat and closed his eyes. His clothes were deep black and more untidy than those of the other blemmyaes she’d seen, and she saw that his pupils were moving frantically beneath his closed eyelids. He began murmuring quietly at first, and then became increasingly loud and apparently distressed. Rufus, who remained silent, gripped the arm of his chair.

  ‘Alright, alright, by ten,’ Norman called out, piercing the quiet in the room. 'Stop going on!’ Elli and Rufus looked at one another, and then looked back at Norman who opened his eyes. ‘Did I say anything out loud then?’ he asked sheepishly. Elli nodded and gave him an understanding smile. ‘Sorry about that,’ he said, twiddling his fingers. He cleared his throat and looked back at Rufus.

  ‘Everything seems to be in order Sir. You’re to stay at the Archways and tell us immediately if you change address. There were no outstanding convictions although we are aware of your previous criminal convictions. Our records show that you went to live with the Dogheadhood in Aylebury. Is that information correct?’ Rufus nodded. ‘And are either of you wanted for any crime outside of Brayston?’ Rufus shook his head emphatically. ‘In that case you can stay for an indefinite period. Tax is set as ten groats per month. As for you Miss,’ he added, turning around in his seat to look at her, ‘you are welcome to stay for a period of three months at a rate of five groats per month on account of your age. You will need to keep this somewhere safe.’ He wrote her name, address and date of departure on a piece of strengthened green parchment and handed it to her. ‘I can relate a list of current Vacancies if you wish.’

  The list was long and generally uninspiring, although she did hear that Goat Cuisine were looking for a cook and a waiter and that the Museum was looking for an expert in Fine Art. He finally finished and looked at them. ‘Any questions?’ he asked cheerfully.

  ‘Just one. Are you going to see this band tonight?’ asked Rufus, pointing to a small piece of paper on the desk. Elli saw it was upside down and couldn’t make out the words whilst Norman nodded, his face reddening. ‘Can I see that please?’ he asked politely, turning it around. ‘Elvis and the Bushbabies. Sounds marvellous.’

  ‘Oh they’re amazing, they’re my favourite band. Their latest song Hairy and Horny is all about this ogre that...

  ‘Well, we really must be going,’ said Rufus, standing up to leave. ‘Thank you for your help. We might see you there this evening,’ he added smiling. ‘Keep on rocking!’ Rufus saw them both look at him blankly and sighed.

  They walked back along a different corridor that was clearly signposted Exit. Elli asked why it was so much easier to find your way outside than in. ‘That is another cunning idea,' replied Rufus. 'The harder it is for people to find their way around, the less likely they are to bother you with something trivial. You basically want them to give up and get out as quickly as possible.’ Elli nodded, seeing the logic in what he’d said.

  ‘I suppose we’re going to have to find jobs now,’ she muttered, chewing on a chicken drumstick thoughtfully. Rufus nodded and walked breezily along.

  ‘Well we don’t strictly have to but I think we should. Legal ones anyway. What did you think of the jobs at Goat Cuisine? You know my friend Billy runs it.’

  ‘He seems nice, and his son is the one in the band, isn’t he? I wondered why you were suddenly so interested in music.’

  ‘Well yes,’ he said squirming, ‘although they’re playing tonight and it just so happens that they’re playing the upstairs of the Dog and Duck. It’s a real coincidence as I’m meeting Josie downstairs. I thought you might like to pop up and hear them, maybe speak with Billy, get him on side. You might have some convincing to show him your cooking skills, it’s hot and heavy work.’

  ‘And you I take it are going to be a waiter. A waiter who doesn’t eat most of the food before it reaches the table.’

  ‘Well I don’t see why not. I’ll be very good with the customers, I can be charming when I want to be.’

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed, watching him stride ahead confidently. ‘I know.’

  As they reached the sunlight outside they both squinted and rubbed their eyes. ‘What’s next?’ asked Elli, poised at the top of the stairs and feeling her spirits soar with the cooling breeze.

  ‘Clothes,’ he said decidedly. ‘We need new clothes. Max gave me some money for them this morning, he said no son of mine is going to walk around looking like a tramp any more. He said that goes for you too.’

  ‘Charming.’

  ‘So we’re going to visit Dion and Jones for some new ones.’

  ‘Rufus?’ she called as she followed him down the stairs. ‘How long do you think we can stay here? Before we have to leave again?’ He shrugged, pulling some coins out of his pocket.

  ‘We’ll stay as long as we can,’ he answered. ‘Now, let’s go and get dressed.’

  Dion and Jones was a tiny, dark shop hidden in an old, cobbled road called Cheese Alley. It was sandwiched between a cheese shop and a butcher's, and Rufus used his sense of smell to find it. ‘I haven’t been here for years,’ he explained, ‘but you never forget that smell. There it is!’ He pointed to a building with bowed windows and cracked stonework. ‘These two old ladies are the best seamstresses in Brayston,’ he said, smiling and walking towards it with gusto. ‘They had some trouble once with two men who burst in demanding money, threatening to set fire to the shop. We got here as soon as we heard and found both men sparked out on the floor outside wearing only their boots. They didn’t get their clothes back either. Appearances can be deceptive,’ he whispered.

  The room was larger than it had seemed from the outside, with tall mirrors standing all around it. A huge window flooded the room with light at the back of the shop, and a gorgades wearing a flowered purple dress sat hunched over some material, peering and cutting it with large sc
issors. Her white tightly-curled hair was flecked with streaks of lilac and purple in places, and her face relaxed into an open grin as she saw him.

  ‘Rufus! Maud, it’s Rufus, Max’s boy. What a wonderful surprise. Let me look at you.’ She sprinted around the table and ran up to him, her arms open. ‘Such a handsome dog-head, just like his Father. Come here!’ She grabbed him with both arms and kissed him on the muzzle, standing on tip -toes to reach. ‘Maud!’ she hollered.

  Maud appeared behind a curtain, a pin placed precariously in her mouth. She was a great-dane doghead, and her tall thin body was covered in a green woollen suit. ‘Rufus!’ she cried, spitting out the pin. ‘Oh blast! My dear girl, do you mind...?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Elli, searching for the dropped pin.

  ‘I’ll just finish with this gentleman and I’ll be right with you,’ she said, pointing to the curtain. ‘How lovely to see you Rufus!’

  ‘Would you both care for some refreshments my dears, while we wait? Then you can tell me all about your adventures Rufus. And you Miss, I take it you’re a friend of his?’

  ‘Oh yes, he’s actually my guardian,’ said Elli. Effi’s smile froze and she looked up at Rufus. At the same time Elli heard a number of pins fall to the ground from the direction of the curtain and a muffled apology from Maud. With a slight shake of her head Effi walked towards the back of the shop and disappeared upstairs, returning a little later with scones and jam all juddering on a tray.

  ‘I’ve left the spiced tea upstairs Rufus,’ she said. ‘Be a dear and collect it would you?’ He ran up and she placed the tray on a trolley by the window, handing Elli a scone smeared with crimson jam. ‘Now my girl,’ she said, peering at her through tight white curls. ‘What’s he been up to this time?’

  ‘Oh, he’s not in trouble,’ she answered. ‘I mean it’s not his...fault. He was a model citizen,’ she added hopefully.

  ‘I knew he would be,’ said Effi, raising her scone to her mouth. ‘Didn’t I say it would be the making of him Maud?’ A muffled affirmative noise from behind the curtain was her response. Elli listened as Rufus walked slowly down the stairs carrying a pot of spiced tea. ‘We worried for a while didn’t we Maud, oh yes. Sit down, Rufus, have some cake.' He carefully carried the tray towards them, smiling broadly and licking his lips. There was a murmuring from behind the curtain. ‘Yes, I’ve saved some for you,' said Effi.

  The curtain was quickly pulled aside and a young man walked out, his suit perfectly cut to fit him and accentuate his broad physique. He was tall with twinkling blue eyes and he smiled across at Elli. She smiled back, her mouth full of scone.

  Later that afternoon Elli and Rufus walked along Cheese Alley, both swinging large sacks filled with clothes. Rufus wore his new hard-wearing trousers, and stopped now and again to pull at them.

  ‘Well you did insist that you hadn’t put on any weight Rufus,’ she said. ‘They’re bound to be a bit...er, tight.’

  ‘That’s the fashion,’ he insisted, stopping to admire himself in the reflection of a window. ‘I’ve just got to wear them in, that’s all. How about the hat though, hey? And the collar? This tag is gold-plated you know.’

  ‘These shoes are a bit uncomfortable,’ she muttered. ‘I’ve never had any from new before.’

  ‘And you still haven’t,’ he replied, pulling his hat down at a jaunty angle over his eyes. ‘Everything in there is reconditioned. All belonged to somebody else once. They clean it, pick it apart and stitch it back together to fit. I don’t know why you wouldn’t get a dress you know, just the one.’

  ‘I’m just not a dress sort of person,’ she said, looking down at her loose red trousers. ‘These are brilliant, really comfortable with loads of little pockets. I look good,’ she added, already working out what she could hide in them.

  Rufus looked up at the failing light and pulled his coat tight around him. 'We’d better get back, I need to look my best for Josie this evening,’ he said, guiding her through the narrow, cobbled streets.

  ‘Oh yes, Josie. You with a gendarme. Of course. And you’re sure she’ll be there tonight?’

  ‘Of course she will. Rufus is back in town after all,’ he replied, gently tugging at his whiskers.

  Chapter Eight

  Musical winkles curried...not necessarily in that order

  The Dog and Duck was a smoky, noisy place with wood shavings on the floor and a wide selection of snacks. As Rufus searched for Josie, Elli stood at the bar and was just about able to see the huge rottweiler dog-head serving.

  ‘'ere Miss,’ he said peering over the top. ‘You’re a bit young to be in ‘ere on your own, aren’t you?’

  ‘Oh no, I’ve come with Rufus, over there,’ she shouted up at him. She pointed to where Rufus was sitting in the middle of a circle of people who mostly looked pleased to see him, although some were waving their fists and shouting. He was merrily ignoring them and was engrossed in conversation instead with a bearded man wearing an eye-patch.

  ‘Yes, I heard that old scoundrel was back. And you can tell him he never did pay off his tab, he still owes me thirty groats. Or apologise about my wife. Still, that’s all water under the bridge now. What can I get you then? Are you staying down here or going up to hear that racket?’ he asked, as the sound of various badly-tuned instruments carried downstairs.

  ‘Going up I’m afraid,’ she said unenthusiastically, perusing the selection behind him. ‘And could I have some crunchy pigs’ ears, a honey cake and some sweetened water please?’

  ‘No problem. And let me guess. It’s all going on Rufus’ tab?’

  ‘And have one yourself,’ she answered smiling.

  The upstairs of the Dog and Duck was low and dark, with candles in glass orbs dotted around on tables. Billy and his family sat at the front two tables, and she could make out the back of someone she thought must be Norman the blemmyae, his shoulders shaking in time to the noise. At his table were dog-heads and humans, all about her age and moving their heads to the banging sounds she could hear. One of the dog-head girls wore dark glasses, and the human boys had grown their hair long, peering through it occasionally. An ogre sat at his own table, scratching his horns and picking the remnants of something out of his overhanging teeth.

  Elli looked for somewhere inconspicuous to sit and found a table towards the back where she sat down with her snacks. She could see that the dog-head on the stage had an upside-down harp affair, and was strumming it at least consistently. The ogre-child (assuming that’s what he was) was surrounded by small drums of various colours and textures, which he was attacking in a random pattern that seemed to be about venting frustration. At the back sat a dark-haired human boy, his eyes wide with fright, holding a long oblong shape with a series of pulleys and levers attached to it. He was playing the closest thing Elli had heard to music, and although occasionally it produced a tortuous squealing noise and he reddened, it generally sounded fairly melodic. All she could see that he was doing was pressing down on the levers with his fingers, which looked terribly complicated and not always successful.

  From the right of the stage strode Elvis, the hair on his face fully grown and swept back. He wore a vest, shawl and a cape, all adorned with something shimmering that reflected what little light there was. A girl on Norman’s table screamed and Billy was on his feet shouting, ‘go on my son!’

  Elvis steadfastly ignored him. ‘This one is called ‘Sympathy for the Weevil,’ and is about those misunderstood little creatures,’ he announced, before launching into something she assumed was supposed to be singing. At their cue his band began playing their instruments together, generally trying to keep up with Elvis who was parading around the stage.

  Elli munched on a pig’s ear and listened rapt, watching as he wiggled his hips and flicked his cloak behind him. Some of the gorgades girls in the front row were on their feet and standing near the front, occasionally shouting out things that were drowned out by the noise. At one point one of the girls ran up on stage and kissed him,
and he sang a song to her called I love the way you comb (the hair over your face), which sent the small but feisty crowd into rapture.

  ‘Thank you very much,’ mumbled Elvis finally from the stage. ‘We’re gonna take a little break. Don’t you go away now.’

  ‘We won’t Elvis, we won’t,’ squealed a voice that Elli recognised as Norman, who immediately sat very still as everyone on his table turned to look at him. Some more candles were lit around the room, and Elli watched as Elvis patted his band-members on the back and walked off-stage towards his parents, who picked him up and ruffled his hair. She sat thoughtfully for a few moments and then made her way to a small bar where she bought some weak beer and curried winkles. As she sat down she caught the eye of the human boy who’d been on stage and she quickly looked away, sure she recognised him from somewhere. She watched as he made his way over to her.

  ‘Hello Miss,’ he said, smiling and looking down at her. ‘You look a bit better the right way up.’

  ‘Do I?' she asked, 'I can't seem to remember where...'

  ‘People don’t tend to remember stable-hands,' he replied, putting his music machine down on the table and sitting down beside her. 'I’m Whaler. So, what do you think of our band?’

  ‘They’re...um...loud,’ she answered, ‘and this thing here is interesting. Where did you find it?’

  ‘Oh, on my many travels. I practice every day, my fingers bleed with it sometimes. And do you know what?’ he asked, leaning forward. ‘I’m still no good. Haven’t got a clue how you play it properly of course, but Elvis seems to like it.’ Elli found herself relaxing and laughed.

  ‘And I thought you played the best of anyone,’ she said, keeping her voice low. ‘But don’t mention that to the others.’ She paused and toyed with her drink. 'I’m Elli, and you’re welcome to share my food. It’s nice to have somebody to talk to.'

  ‘Are you new here?’ he asked, crunching into the remnants of a pig's ear.